Finding You
by Lily Writer
Summary: Y&S (Yue/Sakura) Yue feeling anti-social... Chapter 7: Eriol has The Talk with a guardian. humor (for once)
1. sadness and reliefe

"Sakura…" said the boy standing inches away from her, his face contoured in pain and sorrow

"Sakura…" said the boy standing inches away from her, his face contoured in pain and sorrow. But deep inside she could feel no regret, he was happy, she realized.

"Li, I'm sorry." She said, not knowing any other way to express her emotions without letting her many held back tears spill.

"It's not your fault. I should never have said anything, I knew about Meilin, you didn't…"

Yeah…well, this is a goodbye, I guess." She answered, then stumbled away. Deliberately walking backwards towards the rest of the group, her eyes capturing his gaze, never showing any anger, pain, none of the things Syaoran had expected. Nothing.

He turned around and walked away, his head held down in shame and self-directed anger, heading towards the plain, back to his life in China.

He was sad, no, sadness was not even on his emotional scale, he felt something that he didn't think he should feel, he felt pride at breaking their bond so early, pride for Sakura's tearless face, for Eriol's smile, confident as ever, and for the way Yukito hugged his flower to comfort her heart.

He also felt a pride for Meilin, who accepted the marriage she did not want, nor need nor chosen.

This mix of pride and confusion was a small description of Li Syaoran's emotion as he for the second time now, boarded the plane back to China and his heritage.

Sakura had not felt this feeling of lose for such a long…very long time now, not since her father passed away had she felt this particular mix of emotions. She looked around; everyone seemed to be so sad about Li's second departure. She imagined that they were all thinking of this as a loss of a friend, not a good bye. Sakura signed, she released herself from Yukito's strong hold and pushed herself forward, almost sad to feel his warmth no longer against her.

"Well, he's gone, and it's about to rain, let's go squirt, I still need to drop you off before soccer practice." Said Touya, his face shifting from a light sign of worry to annoyance in less then a second.

"Ohhh… Touya!" Sakura exclaimed before following her older brother to find his motorcycle, purchased only a little while ago. Waving to her friends and shouting for Kero to stay out of trouble.

"Well, what do you think of her?" asked Yukito, sounding worried, his brows knitting together in a manner unlike him.

"She seems as "Sakura" as ever, I wouldn't have even guessed something was wrong, but…I don't know…there should be something wrong…"

Answered Tomoyo, sounding more worried by the minute.

"That brat better be sorry for this, Sakura's gonna stay up all night, **_again!_**" said Kero, popping out of Tomoyo's backpack once again, before being pushed back in by the owner herself.

"You're the most selfish person I've ever seen!" she said, glaring the little guardian down and pushing him some more.

"Now, Tomoyo, I'm sure Kero-san is just expressing his feelings on the subject. Nothing wrong with that." Interrupted Eriol, smiling slightly as the teen in front of him fumed.

"Yeah! I was just sayin' that Sakura was gonna be a heck of a lot of trouble now! Stupid brat… I'll never get any sleep…" said Kero, his voice acidly. Showing his deep resentment towards the Chinese boy.

"I think Sakura-chan looked well, don't you? She didn't seem upset in the least." Said Eriol, still smiling a secret smile, meant for no one.

"You're clueless! I have to **_sleep_** in the same room with her! And Sakura is **_not_** ok!!" fumed Kero, waving his miniature arms about furiously. 

"I agree with Kero-chan, Sakura was **_too_** normal. Li just broke up with her! For god's sake." Said Tomoyo, angry enough for both herself and her best friend.

"Well, Eriol–san has a point, Sakura looked just fine, and…so did Li-san." Agreed Yukito, a puzzled look residing on his face.

"We need to find some cover before going forth with our discussion, it seems to be about to rain." Suggested Eriol, his voice smooth and cool, but still managing to sound as good an idea as any. As the small group soon found out.

"**_GREAT…_**" said Kero, his hardly visible whiskers wet at the tips, and his short golden fur clinging to him, tiny drops gathering at the base of hair.

"Yeah…well you're not the only one wet!" exclaimed Tomoyo, hastily covering her white and extremely wet shirt with her coat.

"I believe we should think of a way to get out of here without getting any wetter then we are, preferably soon." Said Eriol, a tiniest signs of irritation hardly showing.

Yukito shook his head, his short silver-like hair immediately adopting a strange and wild position. 

***

"Hey Tomoyo… how are you?" asked Sakura, her voice sounding as genki as ever, and had Tomoyo not seen with her own eyes what had happened, she would never have guessed that something was wrong.

"We need to talk." She answered, her voice not really as confident as it usually was, which Sakura noted immediately.

"Ok, Tomoyo, what's wrong? You sound a little worried." She said, expressing her thoughts as soon as they appeared in her mind. 

"Sakura…you're not sad, and Li just **BROKE UP WITH YOU!" **said Tomoyo, almost shouting into the phone.

"And…? Tomoyo, it's alright, I don't mind." She heard her best friend answer across the phone line.

"You two were almost inseparable a week ago, and now you _don't mind!??_" replied Tomoyo, sounding shocked at Sakura's words.

"Really, Tomoyo, Li-san just needs to go get married, he doesn't mind, why should I?" asked the young girl, her voice sounding puzzled.

"Well…how 'bout, **YOU LOVE HIM!?" **answered Tomoyo, seriously considering the odds against Sakura going mad with sadness.

" Well…I guess we 'loved' each other, but really, it's no reason to think I'll go mad when he leaves, Tomoyo. I think it's nice for Li-san to settle down with Meilin." Answered Sakura, laughing as she read Tomoyo's mad guesses as to why she was acting this way.

"Oh, yeah…the 'magic mind reader…' I should have known." Said Tomoyo, disappointed at herself for not predicting Sakura.

"Well, I think you're right about one thing, Eriol isn't worried about me at all, he knows exactly how I feel, and feels the same way." Said Sakura. A small laugh was heard across the phone line as Tomoyo blushed, realizing Sakura was reading her thoughts as they spoke.

"And Yes, I know you love him, it's really predictable, Eriol-san is handsome, smart, polite…" she wag cut off by a sharp word from Tomoyo, who had had enough embracement. 

**_"OK!"_** she said, an unseen blush creeping at her cheeks.

"Well, he is!" Sakura giggled, smiling at the thoughts flying through her friends' mind.

"Ok, so I fell for Eriol-kun. What about you? And what **_exactly _**does he know?" she asked, changing the subject.

"He knows that me and Li-san are friends, that Li promised to write, and that I think he and Meilin are a nice couple."

"Ok…" 

"I need to go Tomoyo-chan, I've got to make dinner, Kero's tugging at my sleeve, and I'm not done my homework yet." Said Sakura, then hung up, the annoying sound of the dial tone replacing her.

"Ok…I wish I could read _her_ mind…" said Tomoyo, talking to no one in particular. 

***

"Hey! Eriol-chan! Wait, we can walk to school together!" shouted out a genki-as-usual Sakura, roller-blading down the road, only to stop in front of a young boy in a school uniform similar to his own.

"Eriol-chan?"She asked, sending a mental probe towards her friend, only to be met with the overwhelming power of Clow Reed's reincarnation.

"Hello Sakura-chan, I didn't hear you, I apologize." Answered Eriol, polite as ever.

"Yeah, rrriiiggghhttt…Eriol-chan? What's wrong?" she asked, once again sending a probe, this time having no obstacles in the boy's mind.

"Now you know." He answered. His head bent a little lower then usual.

"Oh, I didn't realize you would be upset by Li-kun's departure." She said, he eyes showing concern.

"Yes, he caused me a wide spread of emotions."

"Sorry, I should have thought of that." Sakura replied, giving a sympathetic sign.

"Well, Sakura-san, we should head towards school, you don't want to be late."

As they made their way through the puddles on the sidewalk, Eriol surprised them both by breaking the silence.

"Sakura-san…do you mind…?" he began, his thoughts filling in for speech.

"Oh… yes! Of course you may, why?" she returned the question, trying to figure out Eriol's motives.

"Well, they _are_ your guardians, I wished to know your relationship…I'm…wondering about the proper emotion I should feel for Spinel and Nakuru. " he answered, the block from his thoughts signaling that he did not wish to speak any further, Sakura didn't mind.

"Well, I care about Kero…he's funny, and he's like a teacher…I guess, I'm used to having him around…to talk, ask questions…"

She trailed off, but Eriol, searching her thoughts, whispered another word in his mind, knowing she could hear him.

"Yue…? I don't know…he's _nice_, but I've only met him when he was forced to be there, or when Yukito–san decided that Yue _HAD_ to have a "wing stretch" I feel like he doesn't accept me as a friend or mistress…"

"Wing stretch?" 

"Yeah, when ever Yukito-san remembers about Yue he feels sad because Yue never gets to "live". So he forces himself to transform and leaves Yue to hang around…but he always spends his day in the clock tower, it's like he hates us all that much!" said Sakura, her emotions rising at bit higher up the scale.

"I doubt that, but do you enjoy his company at least, Sakura?" Eriol asked, showing minor signs of disappointment.

"Of course, I like him…I guess, Yue's sorta miserable, I can just feel all that pain around him. But no one else notices, and Kero-chan says it's just his "thing"…Eriol? What's this all about?" she asked, suspicion showing clearly.

Eriol looked up, only to meet a suspicious Card-Mistress staring at him, looking for an explanation.

"Sakura…I wanted to know about your relationship and figure out how to improve mine and Nakuru's…"

Sakura's suspicion passed, or so Eriol guessed, but she closed off her mind to him, using quite a powerful shield against his probes.

"Ok…well, I don't know…Yue-san and I aren't the best example…he's so…miserable, sad, every time we're in the same room…it's like he's begging for me to take away his power…or…or, or let the Sword Card kill him, it's horrible…I wish I could help him, make him better, make him see life as a good thing…you and Nakuru are better friends then us. I bet Yue-san would put the world betweens us if he could."

***

A/N: remember, I don't know much about CC, I've only watched the dubbed ep.s Up until "Stormy Weather" (where the snow card's captured.) and I haven't actually seen Yue in the anime, and haven't read the manga, this is all from info pages, screen caps and fanfiction. If anyone sees anything wrong with the fic in terms of information, please inform me, but bear in mind that this is the SECOND time Li left. More about that later.


	2. talk of feelings

A/N: ok…so, thanks for the review, especially Morgan D

A/N: ok…so, thanks for the review, especially Morgan D. who gave me a better idea of what I needed to explain. This chapter has more angst then anything, no real romance, but still, it explains the relationships a bit better. Also, it includes a most likely AU (alternate universe) retelling of the whole "Yue losing power" thing, and Sakura's take on it. Sorry about any wrong info, but I've still haven't seem all the eps.

Finding You

Sakura's day had gone well, music class being her main source of entertainment. The students were asked to try a new song with a confusing rhythm, and when they had divided into two groups to play different versions simultaneously, they ended up playing only one version, most unable to concentrate one the other one.

Over all, she was as happy as ever. The dull ach she had felt earlier that day had subsided into the back of her head as her mind forcefully pushed out all thoughts of Li's departure and Eriol's strange questioning in favor of studying and paying attention in math class, in which she was as completely dazed as ever.

But what had he wanted from her? Why had he mentioned Kero-chan and Yue-san at all? Eriol had always avoided the subject, almost forcing the conversation to other matters, why…? 

Sakura pondered this over lunch, and almost forgot to block her mind from Eriol as he sat opposite to her and Tomoyo, smiling as ever, she could feel his nervousness in the air, and cocked an eyebrow, puzzled.

"Hello Tomoyo-chan, Sakura-chan, I hope I'm not disturbing?" he asked in his smooth cool voice, his eyes glittering with mirth, he had noticed Sakura's silent question.

"No! Not at all, we were just talking about music class, that was the funniest _ever_!" Tomoyo exclaimed, oblivious to the exchange between her friends.

"Ho…yeah, music class was fun, wasn't it, Eriol?" asked Sakura, trying to rip here eyes off of Eriol's dark amethyst gaze.

"Yes, I enjoyed it, but I certainly hope our skill will improve somewhat." He said casually, looking away.

The conversation continued as such, Tomoyo filling in the spaces with endless chatter while Sakura kept quiet, looking at her lunch with distaste.

"…Yes, that was funny, we should have picnics more often, Kero always likes them so much!" exclaimed Tomoyo, looking at Sakura for encouragement.

"Yes…he likes them, maybe we could have another one later, after the test season…" Sakura said, distracted by her thoughts.

"Sakura? Ok, I know I can't "read your mind" but I can still tell something's bothering you, care to explain?" asked Tomoyo, looking more perplexed then concerned.

"Oh…? I, was just…" trailed off, unable to fully lie to her friend, but as well not capable of telling her the truth of the problem, especially in front of Eriol.

"Thinking about Li are you?I knew you'd catch up to your feelings! Now I at least know you're all right!"Chirped Tomoyo happily, grinning at Sakura as she blabbered on about how she needed to have some fun and forget Li-kun…

_Was that true?_

Sakura was startled, almost frightened, the voice in her head repeated the question, finally getting a response from her.

No, you know it's not really true…I don't know why any more… 

_ _

_Because of my "bold" questions? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, forget I mentioned it, they're not important._

_No, I…I don't know…I thought I should really miss Li-kun, but I don't, even the ache I used to feel when someone left is gone, almost…_

_ _

_There's nothing wrong with that, Tomoyo-chan isn't sad either, event though she should be…I'm not sad, I think…_

_ _

_No! No, it's…I thought that after all those things I told him, saying I loved him, I'd be with him forever, I cared, and now Li-kun's gone to get married but I don't care, even though I said I did, I can't make myself care._

_ _

_Well…maybe you two weren't meant to be, it's nothing to be upset about._

_ _

_Yeah, I guess… Eriol-chan? Have you ever been "in love"? _

_ _

_No, that is something I'm not familiar with; at least I doubt it is…I don't know…?_

_ _

_Oh, I…don't think I have either. I thought I loved Yukito-chan, but I don't. I thought I loved Li-kun but I can't make myself care for either of them in a way more the friendship. _

_ _

_It's nothing to worry about, love is a thing that is granted to all, and should you choose to ignore it, there is always enough friendship to mend your wounds when love didn't._

_ _

_Yeah, but…I thought…I remember father and Touya, and so many other people saying I was a loving child, but now I know I've failed them all, I'm not a child anymore, and nor do I love anyone…I failed them, because I seem like I'm a loving "innocent" child, but really it's all this big disguise and I haven't been innocent for a while, I'm really the card mistress, I'm holding so much "power" I have to use some of it just to hid from everyone's suspicion._

_ _

_There is nothing wrong with any of those things, "innocence" is something you truly posses, even though your power gives you perfect control and…enough of it to be able to control this entire plane! The power to make your life whatever you wish it to be and change other lives as well, but the fact that you haven't gone and used it to create happiness for yourself on other people's expense makes you just as 'innocent' as ever, and you are and always will be a childe to me, as well as to your father and brother, there is nothing you can do about it, after all, you're still sixteen…it is a childe-like age for those who would live for thousands of years._

_ _

_I've failed them, I've lied to everyone for so long, no one believes I'm really this powerful, and no one believes I can really do these things, but I can._

_ _

_That is necessary for their happiness and comfort, everyone will not be pleased to know that their protection isn't needed, they will not believe it even if you tried…_

_ _

_Yeah I guess._

_***_

Sakura felt better after her non-existent conversation with Eriol, and told Tomoyo so before class, the raven girl's response was…very Tomoyo, Sakura decided.

Her best friend had smiled, winked, and said Eriol-kun was always the best at keeping Sakura's mood up, which was true, Sakura silently agreed.

The best and simplest explanation was…Eriol was…Eriol; his personality was just too…kind, Sakura thought. He was always as polite as if he were speaking to a complete stranger, but still managed to make it look familiar and friendly, part of his personality, and something Sakura deeply admired about the boy…no, he was sixteen, a teenager.

Ever since he had come back and decided to stay in Japan for the next few years, Sakura had been as happy as possible. Of course she had not been his primary target, but since he so often visited Tomoyo-chan. Politely courting her without making it obvious, she had gotten to enjoy his company and the wordless understanding between them.

Of course, she had enjoyed her understanding of Li much better, Sakura reassured herself. They had been closer then friends, she thought.

No, they hadn't, they had been companions, guarding each other, helping, not the things she had assumed they had, and they never had love.

Did they?

Sakura doubted it, but still, the voice in her heart told her they could have had it, if she had worked harder, maybe spent less time practicing spells and more cuddling with Li-kun…no, that wouldn't have helped.

Meilin really hadn't been happy about this either, ever since she had gotten that boyfriend, thinking the marriage was off…and now they both suffered, or so Sakura thought.

Had they? Probably…Meilin had, she could tell from the way her voice had quivered slightly over the phone, and even though the distance was great, she had felt the unhappiness of the girl who once thought her a rival.

Six years ago.

But now, she had grown, and they were friends, no longer bickering about every little thing. Sakura treasured their friendship, as well as Meilin's fighting skills, which were very much better then her own.

Had been.

She **_had_** been a clumsy girl, good at sports, but still clumsy, not being able to hold a sword half as well as Li-kun, not knowing the defensive stances like Meilin, but she had had the magic. And after the transformation of the cards was complete. She had found how great it really was, not being reliant on the Clow cards, sometimes completely wild and unpredictable, sometimes subtle and undetected, even by Eriol of Kero, both of whom knew her so well…

It was gift, and a nightmare swallowing her in her sleep. With this power came the pain, then pain of knowing what had been done for her, what had been made, sacrificed, remade, the pain that was always around her, always there, Clow's pain, the pain she knew he had, and Sakura felt it's toll with every breath she took.

Clow's pain at having to leave so early, while his work was incomplete, his pain at leaving behind Kero, his "best friend" and Yue, his…Sakura couldn't think of it for too long, it hurt way too much, like all of Clow's and Yue's pain and sadness was suddenly upon her shoulders, pushing her deeper into the darkness of death. She really felt it, like all their self-directed anger was passed though her, Yue's for not having his master stay longer and Clow's for hurting his lover so much.

Those two were impossible, both almost saddened to death, although one was already too far-gone for that. But Yue was still alive, although Sakura knew that his reasons for this were decreasing.

With this power came the feelings of others, she was effected by everyone's emotions, because of her childlike mind-or so Eriol had said- she was unable to force her power to subside, and there for felt much more then was needed or was wise, she had felt Tomoyo's happiness, and Li's affection, her brother's concern and Kero-chan's curiosity, but with this came the great pain: Yue's sorrow, Kero's loss -buried almost out of reach, even for her- Eriol's deep, deep regret for all the things he hadn't done, the things that were expected of him as Clow's reincarnation…but were still a little out of his reach.

She felt Li's mixed emotions, and self directed confusion and disgust with his feelings, even though they were so like her own.

And…of course, she had felt Touya's pain as he watched Yue/Yukito crumple to the ground, so very…very long ago. But she still felt it.

She had felt her own magnified worry, pain, anger, sickness from watching her friend and guardian slowly lose consciousness and crumple to the cold ground, his body almost lifeless, all because of her, and her alone.

She had felt her love for Yukito then, a love like the feeling she had for her father. She felt it dissolve beneath all the pain that seemed to pour from everywhere, surrounding her with that darkness she hated.

No, Sakura hated herself. 

The next night, she had had those nightmares for the first time. Around her, in a tight circle, stood the figures of all she held dear, one after another they stepped forth, some screaming and others crying quietly, but they all gave the same idea, she had failed.

She then watched as one by one they were killed, and she was left alone. Until Clow Reed himself came forth and told her that one would not leave. "Search for him." He had said.

Sakura never found her last friend, whoever it might have been, he was simply not there, and she woke up too early to even think of that option.

***


	3. Ruby Moon's anguish

Yue sat still, his arms hanging off the edge, he could feel the blood draining down his veins and lower to his hands

Yue sat still, his arms hanging off the edge, he could _feel _the blood draining down his veins and lower to his hands.

He didn't care, couldn't make himself care for the fact that his arms had turned numb a about an hour ago. That he could be seen from below, that someone might find him here, with this wings in plain view, both hanging limply by his side, white feathers tickling his face.

Had he ever cared? The guardian doubted that, it didn't seem very likely.

For the tenth time he wondered why Yukito was made to be so kind and gentle while he had been so much like the moon he ruled. And why his false form had insisted on waking him from his sleep and forcing him out here in this miserable world, in the middle of the day non the less!

He could make himself understand why Yukito had thought this would "do him good".

Had his mistress needed him? Yue tried to feel her mind once more, searching for signs of distress, but found non.

She was talking to someone somewhere in a schoolyard in the local high school, some one who she felt deep affection for, and who could talk to her through her mind.

Clow's reincarnation, Yue guessed. 

Something about thinking of his old master pained him, 

Yue supposed that it was the fact that he missed Clow so much.

He once again lay down on the cold stone of the clock tower, closing his eyes and bringing his wings to protect himself from the loneliness and boredom he was so used to.

He tried to imagine all the horrible memories he ever had, since he had already remembered his moments of happiness. 

He remembered his first try at an easy spell; Yue ended up changing the table into a pumpkin, which had promptly exploded from the weight of the books upon it.

He was embarrassed, surprised, disgusted with himself for failing so badly. Keroberus had come in, looked around, and started rolling around, laughing his head off because of the younger guardian's mistake.

Yue remembered the humiliation, anger, and the wish to force Keroberus to stop his annoying laughs.

He remembered the dread of waiting for his master to hear the laughing and come around. Which Clow had punctually done, appearing in a simple dark robe.

He had looked around, smiled, and pointed towards the door, telling Kero to go and clean himself. He had gotten his golden fur full of pumpkin seeds.

After Keroberus had left, Clow had come closer to the disappointed Yue, and had given him a fatherly hug, accompanied by a kiss on the forehead, murmuring a promise to teach the guardian better.

He had then waved his hand and whispered something, cleaning the room with a thought, and restoring the table to its previous location.

Yue smiled, he could almost feel the lingering kiss on his forehead, the gentle yet reassuring touch of his master's hands around him, telling him it was alright without words.

It had felt so good…so…right.

And then it was gone, and Yue was left alone again, his wings still around him, his eyes shut tightly from the painful and horribly lonely world around him.

He wanted someone to touch him, tell him it was all right, and that Clow was there in spirit.

But…really, there was no one there, or had Yue scared them all away with his wishes for solitude?

Yes, he had.

The young moon guardian felt disappointed, partly because his master was no longer there, and partly because no one else was there either. He truly felt the loneliness this time, the lose and pain and anger all directed at himself.

He lay back down, but not before catching the familiar aurora of Roby Moon near by.

Oh no… Yue thought, 

This was going to turn into a worse nightmare then ever if the…"thing" caught him here. Yue could just imagine her blabbering about EVERYTHING until her master called her home, and who knew when that might be? After all, his Mistress had never called _him_ home before. Or was that because he had never come…?

No time.

"YUE!! I KNOW YOU'RE UP HERE!!!" came the cry, almost sufficiently loud to make the winged guardian deaf. 

"Oh oh." Said Yue, before scrambling to him feet and managing to get behind a pillar, his wings disappearing just in time.

The "thing" ran out on to the clock tower's highest level, looking around as her butterfly wings disappeared, she had flow here.

"Yue, really…you can't hide you know, I can sense your power, come out…hide and seek is too old a game for us! After all, you're over a thousand years old!"

Yue stifled a growl as the guardian ran around, sometimes getting too close for comfort, before, finally finding him and grabbing his robe before Yue had a chance to escape.

"Gotcha! Hahaha! The great Yue can't escape this time!!" she said as Ruby Moon ran about, spinning around while tugging at Yue's white garment.

"Stop!" he shouted, but the girl continued to spin around, laughing uncontrollably while tugging harder at his robe, which was about to fall off.

Yue took action. Catching the spinning guardian by the shoulders, he pushed hard, causing both to lose balance and fall over, one laughing while the other fumed, giving her death glares. 

"Yue! Hahaha, you…"she burst out into more giggling, "Are really…really playful when you get "down" to it…" she said the last statement in a sly voice, then sat up, only to rollover and sit in the other guardian's lap, pretending to purr like Keroberus always did.

"Get. Away. From. Me." answered the young guardian, pushing the girl away from him and standing up.

"OHHH! Touchy! After all I do to get up here with you and get you back down there in the sunlight, 'least you could do would be give 'm a peck!" laughed Ruby Moon, getting up and watching as Yue brushed himself and pulled his robe tighter around his thin frame.

"No one said you had to come and bother me, it's bad enough that I have to BE out here in day time, without having to BE here with you." Answered Yue's icy voice, showing his obvious anger.

"Oh, Yue-chan. I was just trying to light up the mood, how are you gonna ever enjoy life if you sit up here endlessly? You're ALWAYS sleeping, LIVE a little!" said the girl, straightening her robe and then proceeding to try and grab Yue's hand to drag him down.

"I LIKE to sleep, unlike you, I know my duty as a guardian."

"What would that be? Pretend to be dead until the kid needs you and then go right back to…wherever that guy keeps you? Yue, I'm sure Clow Reed didn't make you just for…this!"

"If you can not respect your master, Roby Moon, at least respect mine, before I teach you to respect her. And…yes, that it my duty, that and keeping myself from exhausting the Mistress by using all this power."

"The girl is well capable to sustain you, Eriol-chan made sure of that."

"She was not capable back then, and I doubt she ever will be, now, WHY ARE YOU BOTHERNG ME!?" 

"I'm just trying to help. Eriol and Suppi-chan are both worried about you, and, as I've heard, so is Sakura." Said Ruby Moon, once more attempting to grab Yue's hand.

"The Mistress hasn't and shouldn't have ever been worried about me, nor about Keroberus. And neither should any one else be." Said Yue, trying his best to look emotionless.

"Well, they are. Yue, don't you remember? She was crying back when you almost died, that's enough proof of her feelings, Sakura cares for you, and she should, any good master does, don't tell me Clow Reed wouldn't have worried."

"That…that's different…I…"

"Why? Because Sakura doesn't treat you right? Because she doesn't tell you she cares or something?! She would if you let her, but I bet the girl thinks you hate her, the way you never show up! Sakura would be glad to help you and care for you if you let her. So would everyone, Eriol would for sure." 

"I…don't need any one to help me, or take care of me."

"I didn't see that when you crumpled to the ground, you **_wanted_**tobe held back then, I could sense it, you were **_glad_** when Touya-san picked you up and held you."

"I don't need any one."

"Yue…"

"I said NO! Leave me be, I don't need your help nor deserve it! I never cared for you; don't try to care for me!! LEAVE ME BE!" he shouted, almost forgetting to block his thoughts from the other guardian.

"Yue, I **_want_** to help…come back home with me…Come home to Sakura…"

"NO! No… I don't deserve a home, nor should I have one, my place is here until my mistress needs me."

"Yue…is this because you're blaming yourself for your old master? Because you couldn't save him? Or because you're stubborn fool who can't see when his life is slipping until it is too late to go back?You'll die if you're not careful, and then no one will be happy." She said, tears in her eyes, Yue could feel her anger and sorrow all at once and it hurt him, it hurt him to know she was feeling this for him.

But, in some part of his mind, he was scared, scared that Nakuru would leave and he would be left alone. Again. A part of his brain hated her for caring, hated himself for responding, even in the least of ways.

"No, I don't think I deserve this because I am not yet done repaying my mistress for the power she wasted on me, until I am, I am unworthy of this." He lied.

His voice must have been too cold, Ruby Moon shook her head and began to walk away, almost flouting on her delicate wings, 

"I'm sorry then, I shouldn't have bothered you, Yue, I'll ask my master to leave you be, as you wished." She said, her voice defeated as she soon disappeared out of sight.

I'm sorry, a part of Yue said, but yet another said, 

Shut up.


	4. a reason to stay?

Finding You 4

Finding You 4

Sakura was surprised when the next day had begun, first of all when Touya had woken her up, and later when Yukito didn't turn up, with the excuse of sickness.

Sakura had been truly worried, Yukito had **_NEVER_** been sick; she had immediately thought of coming over after school to check up on him. 

But then, there was always the easier way…

While making sure she was still roller blading, Sakura concentrated on Yukito, seeking out his location and trying to see whether he was all right…

Oh…Sakura stopped, causing her brother to look back at her with annoyance, 

She couldn't feel Yukito, it was so faint…like he was dieing, or on the over side of the planet…

Then it hit her, He wasn't there.

She tried to search for Yuy, concentrating on a memory of the guardian; his rare smile…that scent of purity she always felt around him…those gray eyes…Sakura found him.

She could feel his anger like so many other times, sitting in the clock tower, the angel-like guardian was once again thinking of Clow, this time, he was remembering…

Wow, that was…strange…

Sakura could see his memory clearly, their special bond allowing her access to the guardian's fragile mind, which at the moment was too concentrated on a memory of his first spell (or so Sakura guessed) to notice her gentle probes.

She felt bad for her guardian; the young girl could **_sense _**his sadness as the memory of his master's touch rolled on in his mind.

She also felt guilty, not only for practically breaking into Yue's mind, but for not being able to take the pain away from him, for not trying hard enough to help, for not doing the same thing Clow had done so many years ago, for not caring enough.

_I should have helped him. _

_Yue shouldn't feel this pain, _

_He should be happy, I should make him happy, _

_I should hold him like that,_

_I should make his life worthwhile,_

_I should help him,_

_I should be a better master, a better friend…_

_I can't love any one, how can I love him?_

_How can I help him?_

_I can't…can I?_

_No._

"Squirt? Yo! You're gonna make us both late!!" said Touya, shaking his sister rather roughly.

"Huh? Oh…sorry. Sorry Touya, kinda…zoomed out…hehehe…" she answered, trying to smile although she felt nothing like it.

"Squirt? You're getting weirder by the second!" answered Touya, like always teasing his little sister.

"Touya!!" Sakura shouted, for the moment forgetting about her troubles.

"Come on, you still need to get to school." He said, then rode off, not waiting for Sakura to catch up.

***

Sakura had thought about going over and trying to catch Yue at lunchtime, 

Then after school, then at dinner, but someone always seemed to be in the way, first he teacher wanting to discuss something with her.

A lunchtime she had spent day dreaming, or rather, half listening to her educator and half wondering whether her guardian would be there tomorrow, she doubted it.

Later, it had been homework she couldn't ignore, and Tomoyo's suggestions of finishing it together had turned into a nightmare when they spent too much time talking.

Sakura had wondered right through the discussion, wondering about what she could possibly say to the lonesome moon guardian, and ended up take way too long to finish her math.

Then, finally, dinnertime approached, but unfortunately her father had to stay out to work on some project, and Touya insisted she eat dinner at home and on time.

_Finally…_ Sakura signed, getting up from the table and letting her brother clean the dishes, then going down the hall, pulling on her coat and saying she's be back by midnight before running out the door. Followed by Touya's scream of

"Midnight is too late!!!"

She ran down the street, way too distracted to try and see whether the angel was still there. Sakura ran right by a figure, roughly her own height, which seemed familiar, but couldn't quiet bother her, since the person she was heading towards took much of her thoughts.

"Sakura?!" said a familiar voice, and the young girl turned around to face the speaker, now a few meters away, "Eriol?! What are you doing out here? " She asked, completely puzzled.

"I could ask you the same thing, if I didn't already know." Answered Eriol's smooth voice, a little amusement showing in his speech.

"Wha…? I'm…" Sakura was completely puzzled.

"Your emotions were running higher then usual, and I saw you running down the street from my window, I thought something was wrong." Answered the teenage boy, dressed in a coat, and his khaki shorts with a t-shirt underneath.

"Oh…I was just…just…"

"Just going to see Yue, I know. I thought about doing the same."

"Why? Is something wrong…?"

"Sakura…"

"He's my guardian and my friend! What's wrong with Yue!?"

Eriol finally seemed to come to a standing conclusion, as he answered, his voice was a little less calm then usual.

"Nakuru went to talk to him today, and I heard about part of the conversation from her, I believe Yue is ready to give up."

"Give…up? What do you mean?" asked Sakura, suddenly feeling sick at the stomach.

"Give up on life, or so Ruby Moon informed me, and she looked pretty serious so I think it must have been a very…uncomfortable conversation." 

"What happened?" asked Sakura, not being able to fully imagine Ruby Moon being anything but her hyper self.

"She was…a little teary, Nakuru-chan said that Yue was giving up on life, and she couldn't help him." Answered Eriol, his voice now showing a tingle of sadness.

"What? Yue is going to _give up on life!?_ What happened?!" shouted the young card mistress, angst showing clearly though her voice.

"Nakuru said that he acted like he had no reason to exist, but…of course, to serve his mistress, who doesn't really need his protection." Answered Eriol, backing away from the fuming girl.

"WHAT!!?? Don't need him…Yue thinks I don't need him? And is going to give up because of it…?" she repeated, calming down slightly.

"Well, you are in no need of his protection, that's for sure. Sakura, you've grown into your powers and I'm sure that you could defeat any threat that arises without Yue's help, he knows that."

"But…I can't…? Without Yue? I can't fight without Yue, I can't live without Yue! I need him as much as ever! I need his friendship, I need to comfort him, I gotta go! I gotta go find Yue-chan!!" she shouted before sprinting down the road. Sakura almost fell over until strong yet gentle arms caught her, and Eriol whispered, 

"I'll help too."

***

Yue was seriously considering what Ruby Moon had said.

Was there any real reason he kept away from his master, why had he been angry with her in the first place? Why had he secluded himself? 

Then he remembered, 

She wasn't Clow Reed.

That girl wasn't the person who had created him, she wasn't the person who had given him love and trust and a reason to exist, she was just a kid who was chosen, nothing more and nothing less.

And it pained Yue to know that the master who loved him and who he had loved back was gone, and all he was left with was a child, who, he had to admit, really didn't need his protection any more then she needed his friendship.

She had grown, 

She wasn't a child; Sakura was a young woman with powers as strong as Clow Reed had ever been. Yue realized that really, his reason for staying in the shadows of Yukito's mind had gone away along with the helpless child he had first judged, her power was enough to support him for as long as he chose to "live" but did he want to?

No, he didn't.

With that little helpless child had gone the only reason he had for remaining, he wasn't needed, his mistress required nothing of him, Clow Reed was no longer there to cry for him if he ever chose to leave (Yue doubted that his master would have cried any way, but he would have certainly felt sorrow). 

He had pretended to be needed, pretended that the six years had not gone by, that Sakura was still a child in need of protection from everyone, 

That Clow had not left him alone many a year ago.

Pretended that Keroberus was still a young guardian like himself, that those days they had spent in the sky had been only a few years ago,

That he was still part of Clow's family, 

That his brother would bounce about when he came back from his daily duties,

That he still had a life of his own.

He had been wrong…so very very wrong… 

The reality, cruel, cruel reality was that he had pretended that he was still in a part of something that had crumbled with his master's death.

But that was gone, 

Kero would never bounce into a sunlit room and shout out 

"Yue's home!! Come on! You're late for our lesson!!"

He would never hear his master laugh.

He would never spend time watching his older brother enjoy a nap by the fireplace.

He was alone, no longer needed nor wanted.

And Yue felt sad for it. Sad and lonely.

It was time.

Time to go back to his other form, time to once again dream of days that were long past.

This time he recognized the feeling he felt every time he "changed" the feeling they called "regret".

For what?

He didn't have enough time to think of that.

***

A/N: So? What do you think? ANGST!!!! And lot's of it, more Yue torture coming soon, 

And no, this fic isn't coming to a close in the next chapter, I think there might be another chapter or so left to this; honestly I didn't mean it to be this short! Sorry, oh yeah, sorry if this seems to turning into an ExS or Ruby MoonxYue, I'm just having them help out a bit. 

TBC!!!!

REVIEW!!!!  
ENJOY!!!!


	5. Almost gone

Sakura's now long and slender legs carried her over towards the tower faster then Eriol had anticipated, and he was soon left 

Finding You 5

Sakura's now long and slender legs carried her over towards the tower faster then Eriol had anticipated, and he was soon left behind in the rush, the girl paying no attention to him in her hurry to find her guardian.

He could understand the rush.

Eriol's insides threatened to flip over a few times when he thought of all the things his Angel could do if moved by the right forces.

_His angel?_

Eriol's insides lurched again as images from a life forgotten came flooding his mind,

Causing his heart to shrink back in fear.

He could _see_ the pain in his past lovers' eyes as a form not quite his own wasted away on a bed, an old face seeming to bloom with regret.

Had he really hurt that much? Was it all worth it? Just for…this? For another to feel the pain of a loved one go when it could have been prevented?

Yue shouldn't have been created; his sole existence seemed to rely on pain and anger for things he hadn't been able to do.

And now everyone would suffer for it.

Sakura would suffer, so would Keroberus, more then any one Kero would suffer, his feelings hurt as his last tie to the past would be dragged out of his reach.

But it had to be done, Eriol knew that, as Clow Reed had before him, a guardian of the moon had to be the judge, 

And a guardian of the moon loved his past master with all his heart.

Eriol's own heart shook a little when he thought of Yue.

Even though he was thousands of years old, having been through hell and back, Yue was still a child, unused to the feelings of happiness, which had been taken from him so long ago.

Eriol loved him.

Eriol wanted to please him,

Eriol wanted the Yue from those forgotten memories that hunted his dreams back, 

And Eriol wanted Sakura to be happy again.

She was well on her way to the top of the clock tower when Eriol caught up with her, sending a reassuring signal to her mind, and Sakura continued, not really sure of what she would say to the angel when she finally saw his face.

She would comfort him,

She would hug him and tell him it was all right,

That Clow was there in spirit and that she wouldn't try to take his place in Yue's heart without permission.

That her name was Sakura Kinomoto and everything was going to be all right.

She would not let him die again; she would not let Yue suffer,

She would not let his hopes be crushed; she would not see another day when he was not well.

She would be a better master, she would be a better friend, and she would make him remember that she needed him more then anything,

As soon as those damned stairs ended. 

As they promptly did, leaving Sakura in the large top plane of the clock tower.

Stone pillars supported the roof, giving space for the huge mechanism between their far apart rows, the beautiful full moon shone out from the opening where a wall should have been but was never built.

It was magnificent, and it was empty without a gray-eyed angel who had apparently just left, his crisp aurora still hanging in the air.

Where was he? 

Sakura panicked, had she been too late? Had Yue gone and done something horrible?

Was he even alive?

Tears began to make tracks down he face as she ran around the clock tower, shouting his name, while thinking of all the prayers she had ever learned that might bring him back.

What was going to happen next?

Already the loss had settled into her heart,

Her guardian…_her_ Yue was gone, and so was Yukito. They were both gone and she was never going to get a chance to tell them that she loved them both so much.

She was alone, Yue was never going to fly up to her window and ask what was wrong as he so often done when she was still a child.

Yukito was never going to keep her company when she was alone and frightened by all the horrible things that had happened in the past.

Yue was never going to give her that special gaze he seemed to reserve just for her,

She would never have the chance to hear him laugh.

They were gone.

"Sakura?" asked a voice behind her, and the teenager turned, half expecting to see Yue come out of the shadows and ask what she was doing there in that time of night.

But then, Yue had always called her mistress.

As she turned, she saw Eriol standing behind her, his face worried yet hopeful as he spoke.

"He's not here." Eriol simply said,

"Yue's…gone…? He can't be gone!" Sakura shouted as she once again burst into tears.

"He might have change back and gone home Sakura, I think you would have felt it otherwise." He said, his voice full of hope.

Sakura immediately concentrated on Yukito, and surprisingly enough found him, he was safely at home, enjoying something or other.

"He's safe…" she breathed, shaking a little as she did her best to smile.

"I think you need to talk to him, before Yue decides to take action." Answered Eriol, his voice still a little concerned.

"I will, I promise, I'll talk to Yue, but not now, I can't face him now…maybe you should…?" she tried to turn the tables around, anything to buy her time to think of what she would say to the guardian now.

"No, he will not speak to me, I will only open an old wound that was never treated. I'm a reminder of a past he lost." Answered Eriol, then turned on hi heals and made for the door.

"Sakura, Yue needs you the most, tell him you need him too, I know you do." He said, before disappearing down the stairs, his soft tread echoing through the cool night air.

"I wish I could, but what if I lose him…?" the young card mistress asked the cool breeze that played with her hair.

***

Yukito had thought that his other self would spend the day with Sakura, or at least somewhere warm, but as he awakened on the cold top of the clock tower, he had no doubt about Yue's activities throughout the day.

He was lonely.

Yukito realized this and a bittersweet smile spread across his pale features. After all these years of sleep, his other half was lonely and saddened; he radiated a sense of longing so strong even Yukito could sense it.

A longing for someone Yuki couldn't recognize, that part of his counterpart's feelings lay hidden from the world in a deep dark hole Yue had dug to protect himself from the terrors of life, a hole in Yuki's mind that no amount of freedom seemed to fill.

Of course Yukito had figured out that the hole was to be filled with another's love, and had at first suspected that Yue had fallen for Touya. 

It had troubled him quite a bit to imagine "his" Touya in another's arms, but he was settled when he found that this pit was meant for a certain young girl's innocent love for a friend. He knew it, even though Yue did not, that Sakura was very capable of taking away the guardian's pain and misery, he also knew that Yue unconsciously longed for a touch only his mistress could provide.

Did she feel the same? 

Sakura had thought she loved Yukito, and they could have been a couple had he not loved another, Yue was similar to him, almost identical, and he knew that amount of affection stored in the girls' heart just for her angel.

Affection that Yue seemed to doubt existed.

Yuki's thoughts drifted off to the fact that had he himself not shared a body with Yue, he would have made a great effort to tell the guardian that his mistress cared for him that much.

But since he had never _seen_ Yue, much less spoken to him, all Yuki could do was push his counterpart out of his hole of misery, hoping that he had enough wisdom in him not to waste his chance at freedom by sitting up in the clock tower all day long. Where Yue undoubtedly pondered the reason for his existence, right after figuring out that he was a useless guardian and thinking of ways to end his life, Yukito mussed.

Yue seemed enough into philosophy to be able to spend days on end only to figure out the obvious, and the obvious was that his mistress needed him more then Yue had imagined.

Yukito signed as he settled down on a couch, waiting for his food to warm in the microwave.

Yue was _way_ too stubborn to be his other half.

But strangely, this only made that anticipation for his joining with Sakura more interesting.

And Yukito had been anticipating this for a long time, or so he thought.

***

Sakura walked home slowly, thinking over her friend's advise about Yue, and finding herself agreeing with his thoughts.

Eriol was right, it was time to talk to her guardian and end this game they had been playing for god knew how long.

But she had been hut back there, Yue had seemed to have been wiped off the face of the earth and Sakura didn't like it at all, it had been a bad feeling.

"Bad" wasn't the right word for it.

Was she ready to come around again and find that this time it was really no use to try and think that Yue was still there? 

Did she really want to again feel the pain of losing a loved one? 

Another voice nagged at her mind, filling the girl with uncertainty.

What if it was too late next time she came around?

What if this, this time right now, was the only chance she would get to comfort her guardian before he left this world in his sorrow?

Would she forgive herself if such a thing were to happen?

An easy question, no.

Sakura was torn between hurrying to stop her fears from coming true, and hurting both of them in her useless attempts to control the situation.

And she knew that she would have to wait before facing that pain again.

***

Clow's sorrow increased the next day, and Sakura almost tumbled under the weight of the pain she had become used to.

How had it happened? How did a dead man manage to feel this much pain all at once, not to speak of passing it on to his heir?

Sakura failed to see why Clow chose this time to fully load her with his long held grief onto her shoulders; she had given up long ago in believing that this was only because she was the new Card Mistress.

The pain seemed to know when she needed to b driven and when she should be left be lest she explode with all the emotions placed upon her shoulders.

It lessened and deepened and lived as she did, never leaving he side save at bed, where nightmares of memories she had not seen before flooded back to cloud her mind with new emotions.

And Clow knew she needed to be driven, indeed the dead sorcerer seemed to have picked a path for her to follow and maneuvered her step by step towards the destiny she did no see.

This time, Sakura knew what he wanted.

Clwo wanted her to stop her cowardly running and gather her strength now.

He seemed to be very active for a man long dead and buried, and he wanted her to talk to Yue, 

What Clow Reed wanted, Clow Reed got. 

Sakura had learned that lesson well a long time ago.

Clow Reed wanted this, and so, did Eriol.

***

A/N: The climax has come, not that this story ends there, I've been working hard to get the characters in the right place at the right time, and I almost blew it with this one, so don't bash my head in if it's a little unbelievable that Yuki got away from the tower without being noticed by Sakura and Eriol.I know it makes no sense, but I had to do it, couldn't let Sakura find Yue so fast, could I?

This seems to be lasting longer then I expected, so I'll speed things up a little, 

*Pushes Yue out onto a shabby looking set from which Sakura is trying to escape*

Hehehe, oh yeah, and this might get into near death experiences, so I'm gonna raise the rating next time, don't worry though, nothin' fatal!

*Evil laughter is heard in the distance, then Sakura screams and it all goes dark…*


	6. I need your help, Sakura

She seemed perfectly normal as she roller bladed to her high school and trotted softly down the hall to her locker, greeting T

Finding You Chapter 6 

She seemed perfectly normal as she roller bladed to her high school and trotted softly down the hall to her locker, greeting Tomoyo on the way.

She had felt almost normal as she tried to pay attention to math class,

And she had felt worse when she finally reached the end of her classes and was free to do as she pleased.

No, she had not done as she pleased,

She had done Clow's biding, 

She had paid the price for her power,

And her legs dragging the rest of her towards Yukito's house was just another way of paying for the strength she possessed.

She did not get there.

"Sakura! Hey! Wait up, we can walk home together!" shouted Tomoyo, her best friend.

"Ok Tomoyo." She answered, waiting for her friend to catch up, and silently praying for the other girl to take her time with this.

"You wanna do our homework together? I didn't get the chemistry at all!" exclaimed Tomoyo, unknowingly saying exactly what Sakura had prayed for.

"Sure!" was all she managed to outer as the pain washed over her in a fresh wave, almost forcing her to say no.

Almost. 

They walked the rest of the way in silence, both preoccupied by recent events.

Tomoyo was thinking about Eriol going shirtless when the afternoon sun finally got to him.

And Sakura pondering about ways that she could possibly make Clow's spirit stop his harassing of her.

Tomoyo signed and smiled, now picturing Eriol sitting under a beautiful Sakura tree, holding her up a flower and smiling that smile he was so _damned_ good at.

Sakura looked over at her friend, and quickly figured out that she didn't _want_ to know about this one, and went back to her own thinking, which turned from Clow's harassment to Yue's smile and the way his hair was _pleading _of her to run her fingers through it.

Those maddeningly beautiful eyes, the wings…in her mind's eyes, Yue had taken off his outer robe and was sitting on the grass in a simple, hand stitched shirt and white pants,

Looking up into the meadow of stars above him…

And they were at her home all too soon; both girls were now wishing that the trip from school were at least a few hours long.

Sakura wished Yue would take that robe off; he looked _damn_ good without it…

Then her thoughts sprung back to math as Clow's "signals" began calling her again.

Sakura didn't listen.

***

After a few hours of pretending to be doing something important, Sakura had still not figured out what she was going to do when she did go and see Yue.

Now that she knew he was still alive, Sakura's mind had blacked out, giving her no ideas of how to explain to a guardian that if he died her star would stop shining and she'd die as well.

Sakura was sure that that would happen if her guardian left her.

She had been so sure of herself when panic had taken over, she had been sure she would say what was needed when she knew that Yue was in danger and there _was_ no one else.

But now that she knew it was all right, that he was safe and that she had time to think,

Sakura simply didn't.

Any thoughts that might have run through her mind that night,

Any ideas or words of comfort she could have offered to Yue had gone, and with them was gone that sense of purpose, that feeling of need and want and desire Sakura had felt towards Yue that night.

The worse thing was that doubt that had crept into her mind, and the 101 questions that lay unanswered in the back of her memory.

Sakura seemed to doubt everything about herself, from the fact that she _could_ play the clarinet in music class to the horrible question,

Could she love Yue? 

There was truth to the question and Sakura hadn't managed to find one single thing to say in her own defense against it.

She hadn't loved Syaoran, and she had discovered she hadn't loved Yukito either, was she capable of love at all? Or was that just another disappointment no one seemed to notice in her?

And Love was the only thing Yue needed, love and care and someone to reassure him that he was all right, that he was needed and wanted and would always be welcomed.

Sakura wasn't sure if she could give him any of the things he deserved, and one of her most hated nightmares revolved around the idea of what would happen if she tried and failed.

Yue wasn't like Syaoran, Yue wouldn't just forget about it, he wouldn't leave it be and find happiness elsewhere.

Sakura knew that Yue didn't deserve to be abandoned again.

And she couldn't stand to think that he would be.

The Card Mistress was once again a small child, trying to figure out how to help a friend, how to be all that Clow had been, and how to keep being herself at the same time.

***

Yukito was scared, very…very scared. He hadn't felt this side of him in such a long time he couldn't remember.

Yukito couldn't remember the last time Yue had been such a large part of him…and had let him feel it.

And he was scared, the emotions of his other side were like his own emotions, but they were opposite, where Yuki felt happiness, Yue felt misery, where one felt compassion, the other rejected it, letting coldness fill his being.

Yukito was scared about all the things that were out of his line of sight, all the memories that he couldn't see, but experienced through his other self.

He was terrified to think that those memories that caused Yue so much pain might someday be unfolded before him, 

And he wanted to help his other half so badly that it hurt.

Yue had come close to being that brother Yuki always remembered wanting, or was that another memory from his other half?

Most likely, Yukito had never thought of it before he had found out.

But Yue was his brother, soul mate, and literarily the only one able to see into his soul and find who Yukito truly was. Or wanted to be.

And his brother needed to be healed.

Yuki could sense the pain, need and want of his other self almost as keenly as he could sense his own emotions. 

And Yue needed to be comforted.

The thing that really hit the tender spot was that Yuki could do nothing to help, and if anything, he was a barrier between Yue and his salvation. 

He had tried to help, but his attempts had never gone quite right, since Yue always seemed to be able to hide from people, even Sakura, for days, and Yuki couldn't really force any one to come around and care for his other half.

He doubted any one would.

From his bitter experiences, Yue seemed to have the worse luck possible, adding the fact that no one was really keen on paying any attention to a guardian who wasn't really meant to feel anything; his chances of being noticed were slim.

And that's how Yue seemed to like it.

Yukito hated it.

***

Sakura's day had been a horrible one, with all the energy spent on trying to distract herself from the approaching "talk" everyone seemed so intent on producing, her mind was almost always on the one subject she both hated and longed for.

Yue…

Sakura had tried as hard as she could to banish the thoughts of the Moon Guardian and what might happen to him if she did not stop him.

Could she stop him? 

The young Card Mistress didn't know, and she suspected she could only find out by trying to do it, which she was NOT going to do.

At least not in the middle of the night.

Sakura sat quietly on her bed, it was late and Kero had gone to sleep, his small form comfortably quiet in his drawer, which was now open to allow him easier access in and out of it.

The moon was a new one, almost completely in shadow, but it was beautiful, Sakura thought, radiating calm and light as well as that sorrow so many neglected to notice.

Yue was like the moon, except his sorrow was so much greater, and his sorrow, like his light, radiated twice as bright.

A part of Sakura called to him and would lead her right out of the window and down the street, racing to find him and give him all the comfort he deserved but she couldn't provide.

And a part of her wanted to follow, but then, what would happen?

Sakura would lead him around, making him believe in feelings that she couldn't seem to find.

And she would break him because she couldn't unearth those feelings.

Sakura didn't want that.

Sleep didn't seem to come around much, which was ironic since it was safely in a drawer of her desk, Sakura mussed.

And when it did finally engulf her in its dark, dark depths, the dreams made it hard for her to get any rest.

That dream that seemed to haunt her so often came back every night, catching her and forcing her to watch her loved ones disappear, only to leave her in the darkness and force her to discover that one person who wasn't there.

***

Another day, and another, and another and the pain hadn't disappeared.

Of course, Sakura didn't expect it to,

It now seemed to take every ounce of self control in her to just go through her normal routine without letting her legs carry her off towards Yukito, and her self control was slipping through her fingers like the sand she had used to build sand castles in her childhood.

Her willpower was at an end, and Sakura had _still_ not figured out what she could possibly do to help, nor if she could help at all.

Each day it seemed more impossible, and more urgent.

Sakura _knew_ that time would not wait for her forever, just as she knew that someday she would come around to find Yuki gone and a note on the table saying he wouldn't be back for some time.

And she couldn't allow that to happen.

But neither could she do anything about it. 

***

Yue tried to sleep; he wasn't feeling well…not well at all…

If anything, he was feeling worse then ever, and blamed it on a large variety of people, but mostly Ruby Moon.

It was easy to believe that all those talks she had tried to have with him were responsible for this, and, a part of Yue knew that the blame belonged-at least partially- to that overly hyper and annoying guardian.

She had always tried to "talk" to him, urging him to act, and always remaining her cheerful self no matter how hard he tried to glare her down (it had always worked with everyone else)

Ruby Moon was an immortal guardian, whose master was almost a second brother to Sakura-sama, which meant she had a pretty good chance of sticking around for the next few thousand years…

She (or was she an "it"?) was sometimes worse then Keroberus, and that was saying something!

Yue was as annoyed as he was angry, and as angry as he was sad, confused, lonesome, and any other bad feeling he couldn't quiet name…shameful? No…more like…really really annoyed! The moon guardian just couldn't hold all those stupid emotions in any more!!!

He wanted to thrash about and scream and shout and then come back home and cry into Clow's robe until it went away and the emotions stopped, then he would calm himself and fly to Ruby Moon, then bash her head in…right after he turned Keroberus into a stupid pumpkin, lets see how he likes that for a joke!!!

Yue wasn't used to this…these feelings that he wasn't sure he was supposed to feel, they were rubbing at him and demanding attention, demanding release he couldn't possibly provide.

He wanted them to stop; he wanted everything to go back to the way it had been all those years ago.

And he didn't want all this pain to rub at him any more…

Yue was aware of Yukito's day, it seemed peculiar to watch another person doing *everything* people did, to see the constant flow of emotions he couldn't remember feeling fly across Yuki's mind as he watched.

Yue had seldom kept awake long enough to even catch his other form's breakfast, not to speak of listening to his conversation with the Mistress's brother.

Wha…?

Yuki's emotions just started going _weird…_Yue couldn't quite explain why, but his other form was NOT acting normally, especially for humans.

He had remembered feeling this same thing once, the recollection more like a half forgotten dream then anything…

It had been a sunny day, and Clow had been saying something about the cherry blossoms, something about the Sakura trees that he deemed important.

They had been alone, Keroberus being asleep or eating somewhere inside the house, and Clow had sat down beneath the blossoms, speaking of how someone or other was so much like them…Yue had put his head in his master's lap and been at peace.

He remembered Clow stroking his hair…

The conversation had somehow switched from the Sakura trees to…he didn't know what, but Clow had suddenly pressed his soft lips against Yue's, catching his breath in his lungs.

It had been like what people called heaven, especially with all those nice things his maser whispered in his ear…something about how happy he would be…something about the Sakura trees…nice things Yue couldn't remember.

All he could recall was the breeze…and those blossoms floating majestically down to be tangles in Clow's long hair…and his master's lips on his own…soft…like those cherry blossoms…

And he felt just like his false form was feeling now.

Yue suddenly felt very much alone and helpless, it seemed that his false form was enjoying life much more then he was.

Especially with the Mistress's brother there all the time…

Yue really wished that he could be happy too.

Something that probably wasn't gonna happen.

Or at least he doubted it.

***

Sakura walked to Yuki's house, it was impossible to stop her feet from taking off in a hurry right after class ended, and Sakura really couldn't help it.

She almost ran down the street, bumping into classmate after classmate going in the other way, but couldn't help her feet to stop this embarrassing scamper along the sidewalk, it seemed they had gained a life of their own.

Hurrying past another student, she was surprised when her arm was jerked back, held in someone's strong grip, forcing her to stop and look around.

"Hoe!"

"Sakura, I need to talk to you, please." Said a smooth cool voice, sounding upset.

"Eriol-kun?" 

"We need to talk." He repeated.

"I…could it wait a little? I need to ask Yukito-san a question." She answered, looking away from her friend and towards the sidewalk.

"No, I need to tell you something before you talk to Yukito-san, I should have told this some time ago, and I think that it will help you to talk to Yukito, or…Yue." He answered, tugging at her arm a little harder.

They walked in silence, until Eriol finally stopped, and Sakura realized that they had been heading for Penguin Park, even though she had suspected that Eriol's destination had been her house.

He led her towards the empty looking park, and glanced around, before finally settling to take a seat on the grass near the play area, conveniently shaded by a tree.

Eriol sat down on the grass, his legs crossed in a western fashion and his face worried and guilty, giving the impression that he was a completely different boy.

He still wore his gray school uniform, Sakura noticed, which pushed towards the fact the Eriol had not gone and changed after school, a deed he was quite famous for.

"Sakura…" he started, then cleared his throat and continued, some of his confidence returning as he spoke.

"…I needed to talk to you because I needed to tell you something that I though not important and forgot, but which might be VERY important in order for you to realize what Yue is feeling and why." he said, then took a deep breath and continued, not allowing Sakura space for interruption.

"Clow had been able to see the future…to some point, and he knew a long time before he made the Cards that you would come to be their mistress. In a way…he really made the Clow Cards for you…

Clow saw that you would be kind, and would need guidance and companionship and he created Keroberus to be the guide and friend you would need. He knew that you would need to be driven, and made sure that someone would be there to compete with you, to make sure that you didn't relax to much, the Li clan just happened to provide the perfect driving…

More or less…Clow…and a part of me in fact, lived and accomplished everything that he did so that his heir would be able to use…and recognize their power and potential." Eriol paused, then went on.

"He was. Brilliant, if I can say so without referring to the fact that I am a part of Clow, I will, Clow Reed was a brilliant, powerful, and well motivated man, and he did make sure that you would have friends to support you, drive you, guide you, and that you would be ready for the tests when they came, he made sure the Keroberus would be someone you agreed with, and Yue someone who you had to struggle with so that you had a little bit of a challenge. And he made sure that you…and all around you, would find someone to love, so that no one would be as lonely as Clow had at one point been."

Eriol's face shifted from worried to smiling to worry in a less then a second.

"Clow Reed made sure that when the time came, there would be some one there for you to love and be loved by, and created Yukito, who would not only be the perfect person for you, but be able to balance Yue's cold personality, he made sure that the Li clan had an arranged marriage ready for Syaoran so that he would not be lonely, and he made sure that the circle would be sealed when your brother and best friend fell in love with each other, and that part of his "preparation"…and Clow Reed's greatest mistake."

Sakura's eyes looked as wide as saucers, she had obviously not expected the last part, and Eriol went on, lowering his gaze.

"I came here to guide you into Clow's footsteps, and to be your friend, I also came to fix Clow's mistakes.

Love should not be messed with, no matter how much you think you are right, or how much reason you have, it should never rest in another's power to force marriage, or love, and Clow had forgotten that, just like he had forgotten that he had no way of knowing that Yukito-san would not find love elsewhere, as he did. Or that…things might change…and they did, so now everything is not going well…" Eriol looked away, placing his hands in his lap.

"Clow-san _planned_ these things!? HOEE!" Sakura felt as angry as she could get, but found her anger subsiding when she looked at her friend's guilty expression.

"Yes, well…I'm here to fix his mistakes, and thought that I could do everything myself. But I had no right to try because I would then be messing with other people's emotions. I think you could help. Sakura, you have to help me, I should have consulted you about this, not tried to get you and Yue together…I should have known, but I thought…I thought…I thought that I could fix it."

Sakura's thoughts just stopped running,

Not only was Eriol saying that her entire life, (even her relationships) was planned out for her by Clow Reed, but he had just confessed to playing matchmaker with her and…_YUE!!??!!_

Never mind the fact that Eriol was absolutely lousy at it, but the thought that he had tried to get them together was shocking in itself. 

Eriol was nervous, if nothing else, he was nervous about his friend's reaction to his actions, both past and present.

_Should have told her sooner, I should have asked her to consider it…_

_I am NEVER playing matchmaker again…Clow must have been smoking something when he created Yue…_

_Stubborn fool… You could cut his hands off and he still won't do what's good for him…_

"So, what do I do to help?" came Sakura's voice, even and unchanged.

***

A/N: sorry for the delay! I'm really sorry, especially since everyone was giving me such good reviews!! Thanks everyone for all the reviews, you people don't know how much it helps when some one says they like your fics! This chapter was probably one of the worse ones, I think that some of the characters were OCC, which is BAD, but I hope everyone waits for the seventh one, which should probably be better.

Please review! It's a miracle how a review can make people write faster!


	7. Eriol's Interlude

Eriol walked towards Yukito's house, hands in pockets, as he thought over what he would try to say…and the things Clow would have said.

Clow would have said, "I love you" and hugged Yue…but then again, Eriol had long ago learned that Clow was dead and he was a sixteen-year-old boy who had pretended to be a magician to help someone else's legacy come true.

He would have to find a more suiting sentence, preferably something that would help Yue feel a little more needed.

And make him understand what Sakura so surely felt.

She had said a lot about her feelings (as well as her fears) for Yue, and Eriol was sure that by making sure that Yue learned to love his mistress, he would undo Clow's meddling with…fate.

It seemed so wrong that Eriol, Clow's reincarnation, would be the one to make the old sorcerer's wrongs into rights, although Eriol understood that it was necessary, he still found himself wishing for another to come and relive him of the burden he so hated and loved.

Yukito's house was visible now, just another home on just another street, containing a teenager disguising an angel.

Or was it an angel disguising a teenager?

Eriol slowed down as he considered this. Yue was just like everyone else, he needed the basic energy to survive…not from food, but still energy.

He needed warmth, needed air…like everyone else. Needed love, like everyone else.

He had wings; he used magic to keep himself alive.

So…but he was still like everyone else.

Was he?

Yes.

Eriol continued walking, sure now that this was the right thing to do.

He'd talk to Yue; he'd explain why this was happening, be a friend, whatever else he might have once been.

Maybe they'd still be talking to each other after he did this.

Or not.

Eriol Hiiragizawa walked down the darkening street, the lamps around him just beginning to turn on. While he allowed his feet to carry him on towards Yukito and his redemption, he pondered on whether is conversation with Yue would be sufficient to give Sakura time to find her feelings.

He walked, and a cold, nightly wind passed by, like the echo of a ghost, leaving behind it a chill that caused Eriol to tighten his hold on his coat, shivering.

And he was there. In front of his house, taking his time checking the mailbox, which contained two letters. Eriol guessed these to be bills by the frown etching itself across Yukito's forehead.

"Yukito-san!" he shouted as he approached, earning a smile and a returned greeting from the older boy. Eriol increased his pace and walked up to the house, looking up at the familiar face of Yukito Tsukishiro, who was smiling as he stuffed the bills inside his pocket.

"Eriol-san, what are you doing out here? It's a little late. Shouldn't you be home?" he asked, looking a little concerned, no doubt because of the light frown that crossed Eriol's face, however briefly.

Eriol shook his head and smiled, walking forward to drive the shadows from his face with the light from the open door to the house, a few steps away. He looked at Yukito and for once, he was very much afraid of talking to Yue. If only because he wasn't and was a part of Clow Reed.

Yukito didn't seem to notice him hesitation, but instead saw Eriol's light shiver and grabbed his arm, pulling him along into the warm of the house.

Sitting his younger companion on the couch, Yukito sat down as well and finally asked again.

"Is something wrong Eriol-san? You look upset."

Eriol was shaken out of his reverie and preceded to be as direct as possible, after consulting with his inner voice that it would be the best thing to do, he answered.

"May I speak to Yue-san? Please?" he added, looking a little sheepish when Yukito smiled knowingly and disappeared, to be replaced by the moon guardian.

Yue was very much aware of how Eriol's aurora was like Clow's and yet as unique and different as anyone else's. He was also aware that Eriol Hiiragizawa was looking annoyingly sheepish and trying to avoid his gaze, which was nothing like him.

He did however, not notice enough to keep himself from blinking when Eriol looked at him and said

"Yue, I really hope you're not thinking of doing something stupid. Like trying to keep your heart cold forever." 

There, he'd said it.

Eriol hadn't meant for it to come out too patronizing, in fact, he had meant for it to be a talk about how he should really spend more time with Sakura and find out how much she really likes him and how he could really enjoy life and have a grand time with Kero-chan and Sakura-chan and himself and Tomoyo-san and Spinel Sun and Ruby Moon and everyone who really cared about him and wanted him around and how he should really get a hobby, like learning how to cook or garden, which would be cool and helpful and entertaining and take up any time he had and maybe he should try exploring Japanese customs and such and such. But that long speech was eventually cut down to "I really hope you're not thinking of doing something stupid. Like trying to keep your heart cold forever."

Yue stared at this for a little while. He was really out of practice when it came to talking to people other than Ruby Moon or Mistress, both of which only required a "Go Away." Or "I'll protect you Mistress." Or something of the sort. He wasn't sure what he should say to Clow's reincarnation that had happened to have previously been very keen on getting his mistress hurt but was now a very good friend of hers. 

"I'm doing no such thing." He muttered eventually, sounding disheartened from the argument even to himself.

Eriol had expected this, arguing with the guardian who thought they knew best was his ground. Ruby Moon had made sure he had constant practice.

"Well, you're not being very outgoing, are you? I have evidence that you haven't actually spoken to your mistress, or anyone, for that matter, in a while."

"I spoke to Ruby Moon just a few days ago. In any case, I'm not "keeping my heart cold forever"-and to be technical, I'm a magical being, I don't have a heart-I am simply spending what time I have in contemplation…it's very important for a guardian to know himself." He said. Then realized how silly it sounded and was about to look a little sheepish but realized that wasn't Yue-like at all and settled down on a slightly irked and less than bored expression.

"Ruby Moon spoke to you for less than five minutes. And then came home very upset and called you various names I shall not mention. And as much as you might find it "pleasant and important" spending your time up on that tower, getting to know yourself, your mistress and friends are missing you badly. Sakura is worried that you're secluding yourself because you don't _like_ her…"

Eriol knew he'd hit a nerve there. A great piece of ingenuity, that. He would have patted himself on the back if he weren't in company.

Yue was slightly shocked. Mistress was unhappy with him. Damn. She thought he didn't like her…which he didn't, in particular. But she was always trying to be nice, and she did seem rather happy to see him…and she was a good person. And she took good care of Keroberus. That was something. She could stand Keroberus… not like Clow Reed, of course…but…

Damn. She was probably disappointed in him now. 

Yue stuttered just long enough to embarrass himself further, then said

"I like my mistress…she is my mistress, she supports me and…"

Then wondered if that sounded silly. With all the scowling he did all the time, she probably really hated him by now. He couldn't remember smiling-or being generally happy-in front of her, or at all, in nearly two thousand years. 

"Well, she doesn't know that. Sakura misses you immensely and really wants you to come around and enjoy life." 

Eriol was beginning to really enjoy the conversation. Only a professional level, of course, but it was really a treat watching Yue stutter. And to think all he needed were a few well-placed words…

Yue stared blankly at this. There was really nothing to say that wouldn't force him into a corner where he'd actually need to do something about it.

"Well if doesn't know that the I find my opinion of her diminishing. I think that if I decide to do some socializing, then I shall find someone else to do it with. Perhaps someone older."

Eriol sat on the couch listening, and absently noted that the couch in question was a rather interesting shade of green. And was also fuzzy, soft and large enough to swallow him, had he not grown a full inch that summer.

While he processing this and other information, Yue stood, coughed, and was replaced by Yukito.

Who smiled slightly and coughed again. This time getting Eriol's attention.

"Oh. Yukito-san. I…"

Yukito just smiled and asked if he wanted any more tea.

Eriol smiled back, uncertain, and excused himself, then was escorted by --a still smiling—Yukito to the door. Exchanging pleasantries all the way.

Walking back home, Eriol thought over the conversation.

He was sure he'd said everything right, this time. Maybe the first bit was a bit blunt, but then again Yue needed it. At least he hadn't started babbling. Perhaps he should have laid it a little easier on the start and cornered better. He should have mentioned more Clow and responsibility- that always got to Yue. And, of course, he should have gotten the conversation back faster. 

"Never forget the disappearing tricks…" he muttered out loud. 

As far as this went, the evening was a complete waste of time. Nothing had come of it. It was time, Eriol decided to work the Mistress card.

***

A/N: Ok, so it took a while (understatement) But I have another one done. 

This is a rather pointless, as chapters go, interlude. If you didn't like it, disregard the thing, as the next chapter won't draw on it. This is just something Eriol might have done as a last resort of sorts, or "So Sakura wouldn't have to."

I was high on coffee and rereading the story when I decided it needed uplifting, so here it is. 

Crap, OOC, and beyond any blame I might place on the time, what I was drinking/eating/licking/smocking or any other factor, it is the **Worse Chapter Ever** until further notice.


End file.
